My Journey of becoming a TCM Physician Chap 24: To The Late Dr Shen
I wanted to write this dedication a few weeks ago when one of Dr Shen’s patient found me and made known to me that Dr Shen, who was one of my guiding mentors during my renaturation course when I came back to Singapore for the licensing exam, has already passed away. But I delayed it and forgot to write about it. And strangely enough, two of her patients turned up at my practice and told me about her passing. So I guess, I really should take some time to write this dedication and process some emotions as well.
It came as a shock to me of her passing as she was a young TCM doctor and a very nice and understanding mentor. My interaction with her was not very long and close, but I can definitely feel her caring soul and passion to teach and guide even during this short crossing of paths. She had an air which was not like other doctors, somehow.
The reason for her passing from what I know was very sudden, but she definitely knew about her body condition and yet she was still up and about in practice and teaching daily. Not just her, I do know of a few other doctors, Western and Chinese medicine who also practice till their deaths (literally) with the knowledge of what their body is going through.
So her passing makes me really reflect, how much she was going through and still bring herself to face patients day in day out.
One of the things I learn in being a medical professional is that one of the most toxic people around are surprisingly the doctors and healers (yes, don’t you know the highest suicidal rate is actually committed by doctors to themselves?) That is because doctors and healers (or any other medical related occupations) are usually also on individual healing journeys (if not why go into medical) and different skills and methods are picked up to first help themselves and then extend it to all others. There is a saying “You become the medicine from which you heal from”. It cannot be less true. Doctors are traditionally deemed a noble occupation not just because of the time and effort we spend to half diminish our lives from just BECOMING a doctor, but the strength to heal from the hells we been through as a normal person and are still going through everyday and still smile and extend our service for others. I think by now if you have read through my journey, you should understand how much pains, stress, anxiety, time are put in just to even be qualified to feel your pulse in a consult. So I do feel exceptionally disgusted when people start to compare qualified TCM doctors with those in salons or studios doing cupping and Tuina in the name of TCM at a humiliating fee.
Dr Shen’s passing do make me reflect on the meaning of being a doctor. Like why? Are we already numbed to life? What went through her mind when she was still serving others while enduring the pain her body was going through and keeping it private from everyone? Considering the traumas I been through living in Beijing and then coming back to face shrewd businessmen and bosses trying to make money out of doctors, and now with the pain of always scurrying for a space to hold the practice, the heart-in-the-mouth experience to do up the website and the immense effort still to maintain the license with endless Continuing Education courses which are not free & not cheap by the way, with the fact of fighting to not going hungry and trying to lead a normal life with totally out of sync life stages and also not have the liver exploded with dealing with difficult patients and associates. You wonder why？ I wonder why too.
To Dr Shen, I dedicate my thoughts, love and light to her and hope she is at a better place now from all the good she has done in this life. And if anyone who knows her read this, do spend some time to send some love and light to her.