Inner Practice: Well Liked or Integrity?

People who are well-liked are often seen as popular, charismatic and charming. They are always seen as being loved and well received by others and seem to live a life that many of us desire. To be wanted, to be taken care of, to be smiled upon by all they meet.

The charisma that these people exude creates a Halo effect on others, making them feel seen, warm and safe. But that is just simply the brain’s emotional circuits being hijacked by the ‘feel good’ hormones which create the illusion of pleasure and excitement, trust and bonding, admiration and respect in all the people that they come into contact with.

Because of that the brain assumes that if the person is charming, they must also be good, trustworthy, intelligent or honest.

But charisma does not equal character. Being well liked does not signify integrity.

And that confusion is where the danger begins.

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Truth of Being Charismatic and Well Liked

People who are charismatic and well liked are often vile manipulators.


True charisma does not force itself. It invites. It respects. It is consistent. Not all charming people are manipulators. But all manipulators are charming at first.


Beyond charisma and charm, they have absolutely no capacity for empathy and they usually are not able to maintain anything beyond superficial interpersonal connections.


The charisma and charm that these manipulators possess are tools of control. They appear warm on the outside yet having cold strategy on the inside. They flood you with compliments, affection, attention, excitement until your dopamine goes so high that when they pull away you become emotionally addicted.

These so called ‘people persons’ often embody dirty manipulative energy and weak self-worthiness. They use their narcissistic charm to control others so as to feed their ego, shape how you see them and fulfil their desire to be someone special.


Yes definitely they seem popular and loved by everyone on the surface, but underneath they are usually villains.

Truth of A Person of Integrity

On the other hand, people with integrity are often straightforward and pure-hearted. They dare to speak the truth with no flowery sweet words or slimy coverups. They don't play games or pretend, which also makes them more likely to offend others and unlikable.

《道德经》第九章：
持而盈之，不如其已；
揣而锐之，不可長保。
金玉滿堂，莫之能守；
富貴而驕，自遺其咎。
功遂身退，天之道也。 

Tao Te Ching Verse #9:

Fill your bowl to the brim

And it will spill.

Keep sharpening your knife

And it will blunt.

Chase after money and security

And your heart will never unclench.

Care about people’s approval

And you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.

Then only path to serenity.

 

Tao Te Ching views integrity as living in alignment with the Natural Way, emphasizing inner authenticity, humility, simplicity, and acting effortlessly (无为) rather than imposing will.

 

Therefore, a person who is praised by everyone may not necessarily be a good person, while the person who is isolated, quiet and unspoken or even not welcomed by others may be a hidden gem that is worth a true friendship.

 

What kind of person would you want to be then? Well liked or Integrity?

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Basics of TCM, TCM(Traditional Chin Med), Inner Practice, Being HumanXiang Jun LimDr (TCM) Xiang Junacupuncture, healing, tcm, inner practice, well liked, integrity