Inner Practice: What is Love
On my recent trip to Hubballi, I had a coffee conversation with my friend. And I decide I shall transcript what we have discussed here in my blogs.
This conversation is the continuation of the previous blog on What is the Purpose of Life.
Question 2: What is Love
Sonam: Love is defined as a mental state. There is a caring and loving focus towards others. The “other” could be a person, an animal or insect or any living being.
It is a mental state that observes the suffering or wellbeing of others. There is also the connotation of caring towards others. Such a mental state is usually defined as love.
Dr XJ: So is the worldly love a kind of conditional love? This kind of love is the kind where you want the other party to give you something back.
Sonam: It could be. When we talk about loving kindness it is not a conditional love. Usually we talk about love towards one’s family or one’s partner, it’s mixed with attachment.
Dr XJ: So that is why a lot of problems arise from that kind of love because of attachment. A lot of relationship problems come from attachment. How do we counter attachment?
Sonam: Wisdom.
Dr XJ: So wisdom can help counter attachment?
Sonam: Many times, because of attachment, many problems arise. We have some misconceptions and misunderstandings towards another person or situation. So we need to try to understand the other person’s situation better.
For example, I love that person, but that person says something to me, or that person acts in a certain way to me. Sometimes I may misunderstand or have some misconceptions that that person hates me. In reality, it could be that I am completely wrong. It is also dependent on a case by case basis. But in general we have to see from the other person’s perspective and reality.
Dr XJ: So how do you train that wisdom?
Sonam: By thinking.
For example, (we think that) that person must be angry towards me. When we get such a thought, we need to step a little bit back, do not react immediately. Then question, is that person in a bad situation? Does this person have some big problems in life? In that very moment, was he or she distracted? Sometimes because of some distractions, a person may say some bad words towards you or maybe because of his or her own problems, the stress can make that person do or say something (bad). He or she may not have any intention to use a bad word towards you. But because of his or her problem or anxiety, it makes them do certain things (that hurt you).
If I find out that that person is having some problem in his or her own life, I would understand why he or she said that. That makes your own mind a little calmer. This is a training actually.
Dr XJ: It is still mindfulness right?
Sonam: Yes, mindfulness is training of wisdom.
Dr XJ: You need to catch yourself thinking in that bad way first.
Sonam: We need to think (about) our own thoughts and we need to try to see the situation the other person is in.
Further Reading:
Being Single and Childless is not a Tragedy
Sign Before Major Life Breakthrough
You Do Not Want Love, Actually
If You are Having a Hard Time Now
If You Are Having a Hard Time Now
Spirituality is Physics, Acupuncture is Science
Everything you need to know about Acupuncture
Holistic Treatments for High Functioning Anxiety
The Grass is Not Always Greener on the Other Side
Everything you need to know about Acupuncture
Testimonial for Sleep Improvement
Facial Acupuncture - How to differentiate the real deal from the fakers
