Inner Practice: Forgiveness

How can I forgive someone that has hurt me?

Forgiving someone who hurt you does not mean saying what they did was okay, forgetting it, trusting them again, or letting them hurt you again.

Especially when you still love the person, forgiveness can feel almost impossible because part of you is still waiting for the hurt to be repaired.

If the suffering is still there, it is really difficult to forgive.

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Self-Healing & Self Forgiveness First

So that is why healing is very important for forgiveness. If the wound is still there, it is really difficult to forgive. Understanding compassion is one way that can help us to forgive people. But sometimes our compassion and our understanding are not enough, or they are not strong enough to forgive. So we first go back to ourselves to take care of our wound and to heal our wound.

Self-forgiveness is the first step of self-healing. We forgive ourselves for staying too long, getting angry, trusting them, hoping they would change, loving them despite everything, sending messages you later regretted, not knowing what you know now.

And when we can heal our wound, we can forgive, we can accept.

Forgiveness is Not Necessary Reconciliation

You can forgive someone and still say: “I love you, but I need consistency.”

“I forgive you, but I won't accept the same treatment anymore.”

“I don't hate you, but I need distance.”

Forgiveness and boundaries can exist together. And definitely forgiveness does not automatically mean reconciliation.

Understanding their Lack of Skillfulness

When someone made me suffer, we tried to not consider things in terms of good or evil—good intention or bad intention, good or evil, right or wrong—but more or less skillful. To practice seeing that he did what he did because he is not skillful enough.

And when we can see things like that, we do not suffer and we forgive very easily.

If we can forgive him or her easily, he or she will forgive us easily also. Because we are capable of continuing to make mistakes out of our unskillfulness too. Therefore it is important that we look at each other in that way.

‘Dear one, you have made me suffer, but I don't think that's your intention. It is only your lack of skillfulness.’

 

And this is how you forgive.

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Basics of TCM, TCM(Traditional Chin Med), Inner Practice, Being HumanXiang Jun LimDr (TCM) Xiang Junacupuncture, healing, tcm, inner practice, wisdom, generosity, inner peace, forgiveness