Men’s Health Series: Men's Mental Health and Suicide
Vulnerability is hard for everyone, whether you are a man or a woman.
It is terrifying because of the expectation that it is going to lead to something that feels bad.
If we show our true emotions, people may reject us.
If they see who we really are, they may not tolerate it or accept it.
If they know the truth about us, they may use it against us later.
If they know our weaknesses, they can capitalize on them to our detriment and, conversely, for their best interests.
If they give us closeness, we may feel obligated to make them happy in return and we think we have lost our freedom.
If we let them in, they might find a way to engulf us so that we do not even have ourselves.
And while this struggle is universal, men have an extra layer of complexity because so many have been taught to believe that their value is in their ability to appear “strong.”
Men are programmed their whole lives to “man up,” be “tough,” and show that they are an “alpha” if they want to be liked and respected.
While strong, masculine energy is not intrinsically a bad thing, some men can be so harsh on themselves that they start to take everything upon themselves and close up in speaking about their vulnerabilities, their fears, their insecurities, their traumas from being bullied during childhood that had stuck with them, and even how they were not actually proud of themselves, how they doubted themselves in the company of all those confident people. And ironically, these are usually the men who are high achievers themselves. Super athletes, successful entrepreneurs, top executives, famous artists, celebrities, just to name some of them.
The point is there are indeed men out there who are experiencing some version of life that they feel makes it difficult for them to truly open up and be vulnerable and their life has not necessarily rewarded that vulnerability.
Men against Men
As mentioned, so many men have been taught to put so much value in being strong that deep inside they are terrified that they are not going to be strong enough, that they are not going to be able enough, that they are not going to be able to provide enough, that they are not as capable as the next guy or the next dude out there could beat them up if they wanted to. Men are constantly bombarded with thoughts like this. And this runs so deep that men stoke that in each other all the time in so many different ways.
In other words, men can be against men and men have to put up with men too in the circle of alpha. The pressure can be inconspicuously intensive when they constantly felt like they needed to be tough, they needed to take control because otherwise they are going to be eaten alive, by other men.
Women against Men
Women often want to break the barriers of men to get closer to them and their hearts in deeper connections. However as a matter of fact when men want to share things with ladies, they often feel deep down that the stakes are too high. They are often scared that if they voice their vulnerability, it will change the way they are being seen forever, that they are no longer being viewed as the attractive heroes they want to be, but instead as those who are weak and undesirable.
Therefore the fear to let their guards down and open up can get in the way of creating deep, lasting connections when men cling to outdated versions of it.
Men’s Mental Health and Suicide
Because of the delusional need to be tough and strong, men often choose to swallow up their feelings and tighten up so much just to fight through their days looking fine. Because the stake to be vulnerable and looking soft is way too high than to just bite through any hell.
Seeking help is always nonexistent on their mind as that is often a sign of weakness that is unacceptable in the world of alpha. In their world, there are only two options: either trash it out or die.
Indeed many men suffer from deep chronic mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder for years and still will not admit that anything is wrong with them. Truly, some succeed in executing the second only option that they have granted themselves which is to die by killing themselves.
According to the UK Mental Health Foundation, three times as many men as women die by suicide. Men aged 40 to 49 have the highest suicide rates in UK. Men report lower levels of life satisfaction than women. Men are less likely to access psychological therapies than women. Men are far more likely than women to go missing, sleep rough, become dependent on alcohol and use drugs frequently.
Seeking Help
When we think of men opening up, the stereotypical association is usually a scene of male alcoholics getting wasted together in a bar or in a nightlife environment. Because those are where men can actually allow themselves to talk from their hearts in a so-called socially acceptable manner, regardless of the harm that they can do to their physical health from the overuse and abuse of the alcohol.
But it is so needed for men to have a safe space where they can come together with like-minded friends or they can be so brave enough to do it around women they feel comfortable with. Because all the good stuff in life is on the other side of the bravery in opening up.
Honestly, there are not many spaces on earth that men can go to truly open up, not just to women but to other men as well which is possible for men to do it for each other. This is the responsibility that men have to take on for themselves and to each other to create and hold more spaces for each other to open up and to release the pressure valve within them. It is also the responsibility of men to have more awareness in their own mental health and to seek help in taking care of themselves.
For me as a holistic TCM practitioner, I have held spaces with my various healing modalities for many to transform in miraculous ways for their lives. And I believe it is the obligation of men right now to be vulnerable to actually seek out and step into spaces like this for the best interest of yourself and the people that care about you.
Acupuncture
Acupuncture gets the whole body system reset and bring fresh blood and oxygen to the brain, muscles and organs. Acupuncture with the right points and techniques have the ability to change one’s perspective and the world.
In my practice, a technique of acupuncture called the Heart Opening Acupuncture will help to uplift and reopen the connection of the heart to the world for anyone struggling with revealing their difficulties, pains and internal sufferings.
Herbs
Herbal prescriptions can help with some of the symptoms of heart closure and insecurities such as lavender for poor sleep, lemon for mind clarity, rose for self love.
Tension Release Therapy
The body holds the imprints for every event that occurs in our lives, including tension and trauma. As highly evolved human beings, we often use intellect to suppress the release that the body wants to bring about for self-healing in post trauma or highly stressful situations, resulting in the formation of illnesses, aches and pains.
I guide and hold space for people to allow the medicine in your body to emerge and express through a movement-based session rooted in Tantric, Shamanistic and other traditional movement practices.
Opening Up is Strength
The awareness of mental health and suicide of men is necessary. So many men have been suffering silently and pushing themselves to the corner that they can only see death as the solution. The stigma of men opening up needs to be broken, just like how breaking any kind of stigma is a form of suicide prevention.
The opening up of men and revealing things about themselves is a form of strength. This is a permission that men have to give to themselves. This is a permission that society has to give to men.
This article is written in support and dedication to one of my lovely patients who is putting his heart and soul into fundraising for Movember, the leading charity changing the face of men’s health.
Please donate generously here to his cause.
In Support of Movember, I am also holding space for male and female patients this November and December 2022 for first session of Meditation or Tension Release Therapy with me with fees directed to donation for this cause.
Further reading:
Everything you need to know about Acupuncture
How Acupuncture treats Men Infertility according to Science
Men’s Health Series: Which is the Better Way to Treat Prostatitis - TCM or Western Medicine?
How do Acupuncture and Acupressure work and which is the Better One
Everything you need to know about Dampness
It is not normal to have cysts and fibroids
Why Everything Cold is Discouraged during Menstruation